These stories from Eddy Smyth are so good they have to be shared to be appreciated.
The man's a genious. We should all be allowed to smoke what ever the hell he uses.
Sit back and relax keep paging down and have your box of cleanex beside you. His sense
of humour is incredible. This is my own wee tribute to Eddy "BARD OF THE INTERNET LOYAL "
The man's a genious. We should all be allowed to smoke what ever the hell he uses.
Sit back and relax keep paging down and have your box of cleanex beside you. His sense
of humour is incredible. This is my own wee tribute to Eddy "BARD OF THE INTERNET LOYAL "
FROM THE BOOK OF LEPARS
Today's reading is taken from the Book of Lepars. Verses 1, to laugh at and entitled No Timmites in Europe.
And it came to pass that the Timmites were once more cast to the wayside, like anorhexic turkeys at a pick your own poultry farm. Once more entry to the Kingdom of European Champions league second stage and UEFA is reserved only the fattened and ready.
And lo the Timmites were lost amongst the wastelands of Soap (dodging) Operas on a week day night for there is no feast of football for them with the elite of European tribes.
And the tribes did cheer verily.
In keeping with tradition the Timmites did batter their wives and kin and rattled their beads till they clattered like the hooves of a thousand camels on a cobbled thoroughfare. And they gnashed what teeth they could muster.
And their despotic leader O’Neil of the Leaping Lepars did feel the hot glare of hostility fall upon his face like the blinding bling from a craven icon as his minnions turned to thoughts of mutiny and mayhem.
His scribes tried their best to diffuse the revolt by claiming it be no great loss. But what are his minnions if not short of temper and neck and long of arm for the dragging of knuckles.
For they believe their mantra. The terrible chanting of perpetual glory and the rubbing of shoulders with success. For the glory of Lisbon still reigns in their minds as if it did happen but last week.
Was it not the persistence of praise and gloating that instilled a feeling of expected riches that O’Neil the Lepar (pronouncer leeper) placed upon his people. Did he also not command them to riot should they not win glorious prizes after every encounter?
For he claimed upon the tablet of the Daily Rhecord that he cannot condemn their anger and violence should they lose to their hated foe the Ibroxi of Go’Van
And the Lord stateth, his wish will become truth but only on himself. For that is their way.
Their leading Hackite, Hartson the Terrible will soon be heading for pastures new if he has his way. And rumour did abound that he has made enquiry for soap, water and an Easyjet flight to Berlin.
And where would they be then? Asks Botil the sensible.
And O’Neill the Lepar did genuflect in the presence of his pay masters and begged for more money. Lest they be cast adrift of even their domestic struggle.
Wringing their hands and furrowed of brow his masters prised open the biscuit tin of little fortune and found that £50,000 per week was trickling from the balance and sailing over the waters and into the banks of Juninho.
He of cunning fingers and idle feet had defrauded O’Neil of Lepar right under the noses of the Unwashed.
And more, Camara came without film nor flash and his focus was awry. And the pictures he made were of the Ibroxi falling about their inns and homes aching with hysterics and laughter as he failed to develop into an instrument of use and worth.
And the masters of the unwashed found that the biscuit tin was empty and O’Neill the Lepar was to be offered no more than a field trip to the city of Sodom.
O’Neill the Lepar was grateful for the perk but was left with nothing more than a sore arse.
As the dark clouds of anger gathered once more to cast shadows over the city of Timmites the seething masses were sharpening their spite and bile in readiness of yet another public humiliation of their masters.
And the lord said…….. Getitrightupyez.
Here endeth the reading
Botil
And it came to pass that the Timmites were once more cast to the wayside, like anorhexic turkeys at a pick your own poultry farm. Once more entry to the Kingdom of European Champions league second stage and UEFA is reserved only the fattened and ready.
And lo the Timmites were lost amongst the wastelands of Soap (dodging) Operas on a week day night for there is no feast of football for them with the elite of European tribes.
And the tribes did cheer verily.
In keeping with tradition the Timmites did batter their wives and kin and rattled their beads till they clattered like the hooves of a thousand camels on a cobbled thoroughfare. And they gnashed what teeth they could muster.
And their despotic leader O’Neil of the Leaping Lepars did feel the hot glare of hostility fall upon his face like the blinding bling from a craven icon as his minnions turned to thoughts of mutiny and mayhem.
His scribes tried their best to diffuse the revolt by claiming it be no great loss. But what are his minnions if not short of temper and neck and long of arm for the dragging of knuckles.
For they believe their mantra. The terrible chanting of perpetual glory and the rubbing of shoulders with success. For the glory of Lisbon still reigns in their minds as if it did happen but last week.
Was it not the persistence of praise and gloating that instilled a feeling of expected riches that O’Neil the Lepar (pronouncer leeper) placed upon his people. Did he also not command them to riot should they not win glorious prizes after every encounter?
For he claimed upon the tablet of the Daily Rhecord that he cannot condemn their anger and violence should they lose to their hated foe the Ibroxi of Go’Van
And the Lord stateth, his wish will become truth but only on himself. For that is their way.
Their leading Hackite, Hartson the Terrible will soon be heading for pastures new if he has his way. And rumour did abound that he has made enquiry for soap, water and an Easyjet flight to Berlin.
And where would they be then? Asks Botil the sensible.
And O’Neill the Lepar did genuflect in the presence of his pay masters and begged for more money. Lest they be cast adrift of even their domestic struggle.
Wringing their hands and furrowed of brow his masters prised open the biscuit tin of little fortune and found that £50,000 per week was trickling from the balance and sailing over the waters and into the banks of Juninho.
He of cunning fingers and idle feet had defrauded O’Neil of Lepar right under the noses of the Unwashed.
And more, Camara came without film nor flash and his focus was awry. And the pictures he made were of the Ibroxi falling about their inns and homes aching with hysterics and laughter as he failed to develop into an instrument of use and worth.
And the masters of the unwashed found that the biscuit tin was empty and O’Neill the Lepar was to be offered no more than a field trip to the city of Sodom.
O’Neill the Lepar was grateful for the perk but was left with nothing more than a sore arse.
As the dark clouds of anger gathered once more to cast shadows over the city of Timmites the seething masses were sharpening their spite and bile in readiness of yet another public humiliation of their masters.
And the lord said…….. Getitrightupyez.
Here endeth the reading
Botil
SCAR-WARS
Scar wars, the biggest movie of all time is showing at a stadium near you.
Darf Bleeder, the despotic leader of a nomadic space race who were evicted
from the planet Feen-yan for non conformity, and his underling, Puke Stywalker
are aboard the hurridly built space ship Parkdead II.
They are in desperate straits. They are seeking a new planet on which to settle. Their last place being Larrssen, in the constellation Tung'Slaver, has been completely destroyed as they depended solely on the resources of this tiny and limited planet for eons. The chase is on and wars will need to be waged before they can secure another habitable planet. Puke, recently given the chief's role when the ageing alien Venglos was pensioned off is somewhat out of his depth and some say in deep space shit with his curious decisions.
The film begins as he enters the bridge, known as the dugout, to bark commands to his demoralised troops. "We need to land soon" he says,"Supplies are getting low and the craft is struggling to maintain it's course". He turns to his quartermaster. "What commodities do we have totrade with if we meet with a friendly planet? "We're down to our baishe commodity Puke". Says Lambert "We've only got Gould. It'sh our lasht line of defensh".
"That's fools Gould". Says Puke, "We can never trade with that. Are you sure there's nothing else"? "Positive Puke. Larrssen was our sole resource and now it's defunct". Well, I'm hungry right now, what food supplies do we have"?
"Noodles". Only noodles. But there's plenty of them. We've got a craft full of noodles. Dirty big useless noodles. O'h and we've got some extra flavouring to boost the taste a bit. You, know, those BerkObitz. You just sprinkle them on the top of your noodles. They do fuck all but maybe add a bit of flavour and cut the boredom of plain noodles."
Puke next turns to his communications specialist. "Are there any reports of intelligable life over the airwaves Stubbs? " Plenty of voices all over the solar system Puke, but none of them understand a word I'm saying. It's very difficult to get a reply". "Well, keep it up Stubbs, someone out there must understand what we're on about.
Suddenly the emergency siren sounds and all the crew rush to take up battle stations. "Weapons armed and ready everyone. You don't know what to expect out here". "What weapons have we got avaialble."
Only Vidukas Puke, says Mac Nae Armour the weapons supplier.
That's about as lethal as a sock full of wet sand in this sector. Who are the enemy forces approaching our ship?" "Galactic Rangers sir. And there's millions of them. They'll wipe us out in no time. Their craft is far superior to ours and they're sworn enemies of the Feen-yan".
Surely we've got some other weaponry to hand?"
"We did have some Moravchic Armelite's but they only work when it's warm weather and against inferior opposition and our Bratbakks have all been traded on our last stop at the planet Gullible.
"We'll have to get the Moravchics out and hope for the best. Be careful of the blinding lights everybody. Put your Blinkers on?
(With that the whole audience cheer and sing as the crew of the Parkdead look really silly with Blinkers on.)
"What about defences? Stubbs?"
Stubbs- "Don't look at me I'm having trouble just keeping the communication lines open. There's a mahlbfunction on the Mahlby force field we've had that for months".
"We'll have to land somewhere we're sitting ducks up here. Quick, call Darf Bleeder and get permission to put down someone, err, somewhere."
Darf Bleeder is away on the leaisure deck, honing his skills with the lightstick. He has a 5 iron in his grasp as Puke interputs his swing over the telecom. Bleeder misses his target and spins on his arse. "What do you want Puke? I'm busy". He screeches.
We're short on supplies of everything Darf and we need to land on a planet somehwere as we're under attack and our defences are weak. Can you authorise this?
What can you see on your monitor?
Nothing it's all very Eric Black outside.
"Well, if you see a planet, you make the decision. I'll just blame you if it goes wrong and tell everyone I advised you correctly if it's successful".
"I thinketh he taketh the Riseth out of me. It's no use asking him" thought Puke, "he's as idle as I am stupid."
Suddenly a small planet appears on the monitor. It's light years away but then to the starship Parkdead, everything is light years away. Boyd by this turn of fortune Puke, steers the ship towards the unwitting planet. His navigation system SFA (Special Feen-Yan Advice) negotiates a perfect landing despite the craft having no power, little credibility or justification. The crew have an impromptu celebratory huddle to thank the SFA once more.
They scan the surface for intelligent life. The only thing they see is a tree on a small hill. "Quick says puke. we've only got minutes left. Everyone get behind that hill over there. We'll take cover until the Galactic Rangers are gone.
"Which hill? asks Maa Hee, the gawky alien known to get so excitable his head is liable to actually explode.
"Where that birch tree is". Says Tree-bily, who knows about trees. "The hill, the Birch-hill," cries Lambert as he grabs his false teeth from the glass tumbler on the guidance console.
"Petta get over there quickly, these Galactic Rangers Petrovfy me, shrieked another distatesful crew member" I'll crouch behind that Wee Gorse bush at the bottom of the hillock." (Wee gorse- Wieghorst... geddit?)
So the whole crew hide behind the Birchill and barely live to fight another day.
And that's the point of the whole story. The witless Feenyans have no fixed abode and just live off the backs of others until it's time to move on. Lacking in fire power or any form of strategy they try to survive desperately behind any pillock, er, hillock until they can start feeding and breeding again.
The end........ I wish.
Eddy
They are in desperate straits. They are seeking a new planet on which to settle. Their last place being Larrssen, in the constellation Tung'Slaver, has been completely destroyed as they depended solely on the resources of this tiny and limited planet for eons. The chase is on and wars will need to be waged before they can secure another habitable planet. Puke, recently given the chief's role when the ageing alien Venglos was pensioned off is somewhat out of his depth and some say in deep space shit with his curious decisions.
The film begins as he enters the bridge, known as the dugout, to bark commands to his demoralised troops. "We need to land soon" he says,"Supplies are getting low and the craft is struggling to maintain it's course". He turns to his quartermaster. "What commodities do we have totrade with if we meet with a friendly planet? "We're down to our baishe commodity Puke". Says Lambert "We've only got Gould. It'sh our lasht line of defensh".
"That's fools Gould". Says Puke, "We can never trade with that. Are you sure there's nothing else"? "Positive Puke. Larrssen was our sole resource and now it's defunct". Well, I'm hungry right now, what food supplies do we have"?
"Noodles". Only noodles. But there's plenty of them. We've got a craft full of noodles. Dirty big useless noodles. O'h and we've got some extra flavouring to boost the taste a bit. You, know, those BerkObitz. You just sprinkle them on the top of your noodles. They do fuck all but maybe add a bit of flavour and cut the boredom of plain noodles."
Puke next turns to his communications specialist. "Are there any reports of intelligable life over the airwaves Stubbs? " Plenty of voices all over the solar system Puke, but none of them understand a word I'm saying. It's very difficult to get a reply". "Well, keep it up Stubbs, someone out there must understand what we're on about.
Suddenly the emergency siren sounds and all the crew rush to take up battle stations. "Weapons armed and ready everyone. You don't know what to expect out here". "What weapons have we got avaialble."
Only Vidukas Puke, says Mac Nae Armour the weapons supplier.
That's about as lethal as a sock full of wet sand in this sector. Who are the enemy forces approaching our ship?" "Galactic Rangers sir. And there's millions of them. They'll wipe us out in no time. Their craft is far superior to ours and they're sworn enemies of the Feen-yan".
Surely we've got some other weaponry to hand?"
"We did have some Moravchic Armelite's but they only work when it's warm weather and against inferior opposition and our Bratbakks have all been traded on our last stop at the planet Gullible.
"We'll have to get the Moravchics out and hope for the best. Be careful of the blinding lights everybody. Put your Blinkers on?
(With that the whole audience cheer and sing as the crew of the Parkdead look really silly with Blinkers on.)
"What about defences? Stubbs?"
Stubbs- "Don't look at me I'm having trouble just keeping the communication lines open. There's a mahlbfunction on the Mahlby force field we've had that for months".
"We'll have to land somewhere we're sitting ducks up here. Quick, call Darf Bleeder and get permission to put down someone, err, somewhere."
Darf Bleeder is away on the leaisure deck, honing his skills with the lightstick. He has a 5 iron in his grasp as Puke interputs his swing over the telecom. Bleeder misses his target and spins on his arse. "What do you want Puke? I'm busy". He screeches.
We're short on supplies of everything Darf and we need to land on a planet somehwere as we're under attack and our defences are weak. Can you authorise this?
What can you see on your monitor?
Nothing it's all very Eric Black outside.
"Well, if you see a planet, you make the decision. I'll just blame you if it goes wrong and tell everyone I advised you correctly if it's successful".
"I thinketh he taketh the Riseth out of me. It's no use asking him" thought Puke, "he's as idle as I am stupid."
Suddenly a small planet appears on the monitor. It's light years away but then to the starship Parkdead, everything is light years away. Boyd by this turn of fortune Puke, steers the ship towards the unwitting planet. His navigation system SFA (Special Feen-Yan Advice) negotiates a perfect landing despite the craft having no power, little credibility or justification. The crew have an impromptu celebratory huddle to thank the SFA once more.
They scan the surface for intelligent life. The only thing they see is a tree on a small hill. "Quick says puke. we've only got minutes left. Everyone get behind that hill over there. We'll take cover until the Galactic Rangers are gone.
"Which hill? asks Maa Hee, the gawky alien known to get so excitable his head is liable to actually explode.
"Where that birch tree is". Says Tree-bily, who knows about trees. "The hill, the Birch-hill," cries Lambert as he grabs his false teeth from the glass tumbler on the guidance console.
"Petta get over there quickly, these Galactic Rangers Petrovfy me, shrieked another distatesful crew member" I'll crouch behind that Wee Gorse bush at the bottom of the hillock." (Wee gorse- Wieghorst... geddit?)
So the whole crew hide behind the Birchill and barely live to fight another day.
And that's the point of the whole story. The witless Feenyans have no fixed abode and just live off the backs of others until it's time to move on. Lacking in fire power or any form of strategy they try to survive desperately behind any pillock, er, hillock until they can start feeding and breeding again.
The end........ I wish.
Eddy
AND IT CAME TO PASS
And it came to pass that the Timmites were defeated by the kindly people known as Johnstone. The hordes from the land of Piggery and Erin came down for the fourth time upon the Perthians and for the time fourth they were smited.
And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth for verily the Timmites were sore and cast themselves into the waters of the Tay.
And the waters of the Tay swelled and carried their pathetic carcases out to sea where all the fishes that bite did devour them and die from some terrible disease.
Great joy was to be had, not just for the Perthians who now shall be Sainted and from this day shall be know as the Saints of Johnstone, but also in the land of the Go Van and into the reaches of the globe beyond the boundaries of the Ibrox.
Then said the Lord Advocaat to his flock. Heed yea my brethren for yet we are to make capital of this fortune for the morrow we shall be plagued as the Sheipchagghas will descend upon us like locusts in a field of corn and we will again shall be put to the test. And this time we shall beat them and force great misery upon their wretched souls.
An lo, the test verily was put unto them as they met with the Chagghas of Sheep for the Legions of the righteous were trailing by one even as the noise of the Ibroxi was so loud the deafened were hearing and the throng were many as they bade their heroes to victory. Steel of spirit and surrenderers to none they fought back to level the fight with a goal of fortitude from the fleeted foot of Amato. For this night Amato was proud and his effort sustaineth and his buttocks he work-ed until they sagged and he shouteth to Advocaat. Verily I am knackered and my replacement shall be JJ but not before we are three goals in favour of the one for the Chagghas of the sheep.
The end of the first half cometh and The Lord Advocaat was troubled for his army of eleven was poor and they knoweth not their orders and they sayeth unto him. Why hast thou put Porrini to the left when to the right his effect is potent? Why dost thou permit we play will less conviction than our followers demand?
And Advocaat heareth them and he waveth his staff and shaketh his fist and upon the resumption his army of eleven did reward the throng of Ibrox with a goal, so pleasingly, as it be from the chest of the ex Micky' White straight from the boot of Kanchelskis. And verily, the crowd wenteth wild as with the aroma of victory filleth their nostrils. For they knoweth that truth and justice be but a grasp away.
In the midst of excitement the army came upon the Chagghas once more and Wallace the Rod acceded to the ball as Amato parteth the defence like Moses did the Red Sea. And Wallace did flick the ball into the net and the throng were wild and full of delirium once more. And unto the end the Legion did maraude and much piss was taken until the referee did sense the Chagghas complete misery and endeth the lesson with a blow on his whistle. So it was done. The Chagghas of Sheep were humbled and the hordes of Scum that listen in and watcheth were dealt but a mortal blow.
Thus endeth the upsurge from the evil hordes of Piggery for their plans and plots be in vain. It shall be known across this land that their bite be as toothless as Burley and their weapon, called Larson, be spent for it is their one weapon whose potency is that of a Eunuch in the house of whores much frequented by Billy of Kennedy.
And the meejia too shall gnash and wail for they are proven to be needed not and their word is dust. For it is done. The nation of Ibroxi shall rise again to be champions of the league and The Cause. For there is but one battle left and it be in the back yard of the Scum. And the Scum quaketh for their rectitude be loose and the mire shall thicken with the fluids of their bodies for they knoweth the end is nigh. Their spirit shall be crushed and their wives, children and dogs shall be kicked and beaten as their anger be equalled by their humiliation. For that is their way.
And it shall pass that the next week shall bring the Ibroxi into the den of the Scum and they shall victor and plunder and maketh off with points numbering three and the world once more shall be right and just.
Here endeth the lesson
Amen Eddy
And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth for verily the Timmites were sore and cast themselves into the waters of the Tay.
And the waters of the Tay swelled and carried their pathetic carcases out to sea where all the fishes that bite did devour them and die from some terrible disease.
Great joy was to be had, not just for the Perthians who now shall be Sainted and from this day shall be know as the Saints of Johnstone, but also in the land of the Go Van and into the reaches of the globe beyond the boundaries of the Ibrox.
Then said the Lord Advocaat to his flock. Heed yea my brethren for yet we are to make capital of this fortune for the morrow we shall be plagued as the Sheipchagghas will descend upon us like locusts in a field of corn and we will again shall be put to the test. And this time we shall beat them and force great misery upon their wretched souls.
An lo, the test verily was put unto them as they met with the Chagghas of Sheep for the Legions of the righteous were trailing by one even as the noise of the Ibroxi was so loud the deafened were hearing and the throng were many as they bade their heroes to victory. Steel of spirit and surrenderers to none they fought back to level the fight with a goal of fortitude from the fleeted foot of Amato. For this night Amato was proud and his effort sustaineth and his buttocks he work-ed until they sagged and he shouteth to Advocaat. Verily I am knackered and my replacement shall be JJ but not before we are three goals in favour of the one for the Chagghas of the sheep.
The end of the first half cometh and The Lord Advocaat was troubled for his army of eleven was poor and they knoweth not their orders and they sayeth unto him. Why hast thou put Porrini to the left when to the right his effect is potent? Why dost thou permit we play will less conviction than our followers demand?
And Advocaat heareth them and he waveth his staff and shaketh his fist and upon the resumption his army of eleven did reward the throng of Ibrox with a goal, so pleasingly, as it be from the chest of the ex Micky' White straight from the boot of Kanchelskis. And verily, the crowd wenteth wild as with the aroma of victory filleth their nostrils. For they knoweth that truth and justice be but a grasp away.
In the midst of excitement the army came upon the Chagghas once more and Wallace the Rod acceded to the ball as Amato parteth the defence like Moses did the Red Sea. And Wallace did flick the ball into the net and the throng were wild and full of delirium once more. And unto the end the Legion did maraude and much piss was taken until the referee did sense the Chagghas complete misery and endeth the lesson with a blow on his whistle. So it was done. The Chagghas of Sheep were humbled and the hordes of Scum that listen in and watcheth were dealt but a mortal blow.
Thus endeth the upsurge from the evil hordes of Piggery for their plans and plots be in vain. It shall be known across this land that their bite be as toothless as Burley and their weapon, called Larson, be spent for it is their one weapon whose potency is that of a Eunuch in the house of whores much frequented by Billy of Kennedy.
And the meejia too shall gnash and wail for they are proven to be needed not and their word is dust. For it is done. The nation of Ibroxi shall rise again to be champions of the league and The Cause. For there is but one battle left and it be in the back yard of the Scum. And the Scum quaketh for their rectitude be loose and the mire shall thicken with the fluids of their bodies for they knoweth the end is nigh. Their spirit shall be crushed and their wives, children and dogs shall be kicked and beaten as their anger be equalled by their humiliation. For that is their way.
And it shall pass that the next week shall bring the Ibroxi into the den of the Scum and they shall victor and plunder and maketh off with points numbering three and the world once more shall be right and just.
Here endeth the lesson
Amen Eddy
JOB APPLICATION
Saw this advert in one of the national's today. It's a pretty powerful job
alright.
Celt*c FC
Owing to the formation of a new board at the club the following vacancy has been created and is available for an immediate start. General Manager/ Technical Director
This is a high profile role where every action and opinion will be misconstrued by shareholders, management and club supporters and will be amplified by the press. You will be required to defend innocent statements under the accusation that you are of Masonic extraction. You will receive no praise for any successful dealings carried out, particularly with players' contracts or general policy activities. All failed transfer deals, especially all impossible notions that the player in question would even consider a move to the club will be blamed solely on you and your inadequacy. You will be given every recourse to face the press to be vilified.
Other attractive features of the role include the awareness that however successful you are at making a complete mess of the job, supporters of our rival club will congratulate and cheer you. Your remit will extend to the responsibility for selecting the most disgusting away strips in the entire football world even though you will not be involved in such discussions at all. All players' injuries will be blamed on your match scheduling policy despite you being only responsible for pinning the SPL fixture list onto appropriate notice boards.
You will bring with you skills and a track record that will have no bearing whatsoever to do with employment in a football club but you must have at least been to watch a game or seen one on TV. You will also have great marketing and PR skills and phrases such as "Greatest stadium in Britain" and "Greatest Fans in the World" will become an integral part of your vocabulary
The salary for this role is commensurate with others who have no say in the financial ongoing's of the club. A company vehicle, sponsored by First Bus, will be available for your use. A timetable of London Road departures and arrivals will be included in your letter of offer. A pension scheme is in operation as a brown envelope will be left in a locked drawer of your desk with instructions to open it on the day of your departure from the club.
For more details on this exciting new position, only vacated by Jock Brown 8 months ago please contact Melville Craig Recruitment and ask for the Salesdesk opportunities / Celt*c General Manager section. Please have a copy of your birth certificate to hand and the name and home address of your Head Teacher/Priest.
Email: scapegoat@sellick.tim.irl
Eddy
Celt*c FC
Owing to the formation of a new board at the club the following vacancy has been created and is available for an immediate start. General Manager/ Technical Director
This is a high profile role where every action and opinion will be misconstrued by shareholders, management and club supporters and will be amplified by the press. You will be required to defend innocent statements under the accusation that you are of Masonic extraction. You will receive no praise for any successful dealings carried out, particularly with players' contracts or general policy activities. All failed transfer deals, especially all impossible notions that the player in question would even consider a move to the club will be blamed solely on you and your inadequacy. You will be given every recourse to face the press to be vilified.
Other attractive features of the role include the awareness that however successful you are at making a complete mess of the job, supporters of our rival club will congratulate and cheer you. Your remit will extend to the responsibility for selecting the most disgusting away strips in the entire football world even though you will not be involved in such discussions at all. All players' injuries will be blamed on your match scheduling policy despite you being only responsible for pinning the SPL fixture list onto appropriate notice boards.
You will bring with you skills and a track record that will have no bearing whatsoever to do with employment in a football club but you must have at least been to watch a game or seen one on TV. You will also have great marketing and PR skills and phrases such as "Greatest stadium in Britain" and "Greatest Fans in the World" will become an integral part of your vocabulary
The salary for this role is commensurate with others who have no say in the financial ongoing's of the club. A company vehicle, sponsored by First Bus, will be available for your use. A timetable of London Road departures and arrivals will be included in your letter of offer. A pension scheme is in operation as a brown envelope will be left in a locked drawer of your desk with instructions to open it on the day of your departure from the club.
For more details on this exciting new position, only vacated by Jock Brown 8 months ago please contact Melville Craig Recruitment and ask for the Salesdesk opportunities / Celt*c General Manager section. Please have a copy of your birth certificate to hand and the name and home address of your Head Teacher/Priest.
Email: scapegoat@sellick.tim.irl
Eddy
LATE NEWS FROM THE DAILY RECTUM
Celt*c have called in their lawyers once again and are preparing a case
against the sun. It appears that on the 12th of August 1999 or thereabouts,
the sun will be 'eclipsed' by the moon and Celt*c have contacted the SFA
with regard to this terminology. In a statement read out before a hastily
called press conference at Parkhead Gardens er, Park Gardens as spokesman
representing both the SFA and Sellick said. It has come to our notice that
there is an event planned for sometime in August over the skies of Britain
that the moon will move into such a position as to blot out part of the
sun.
The term used for this seems to be the word eclipse. Celt*c have issued a statement that they have exclusive ownership of this term as they are constantly being eclipsed by Rangers and this constitutes a serious breach of the law. It is quite obvious to everyone that Celt*c are past masters at being eclipsed and therefore this event should be cancelled forthwith or legal action will taken against all those involved.
Other news:
A small gathering of homeless people have been issued with a writ by Celt*c football club and have received a stern warning by the SFA for forming a huddle in a shop doorway in an attempt to get shelter from the rain. a bewildered and wet drifter known as Swampy was said to be almost in tears as he never realised....... more on p.94
Eddy
The term used for this seems to be the word eclipse. Celt*c have issued a statement that they have exclusive ownership of this term as they are constantly being eclipsed by Rangers and this constitutes a serious breach of the law. It is quite obvious to everyone that Celt*c are past masters at being eclipsed and therefore this event should be cancelled forthwith or legal action will taken against all those involved.
Other news:
A small gathering of homeless people have been issued with a writ by Celt*c football club and have received a stern warning by the SFA for forming a huddle in a shop doorway in an attempt to get shelter from the rain. a bewildered and wet drifter known as Swampy was said to be almost in tears as he never realised....... more on p.94
Eddy
CHICKS BACK PASSAGE
He he he, Chick's back passage here and I'm back and choc full of news for
you all.
The SFA are in discussions with Sellick with a view to moving the dates of the Scottish Cup final in future away from the end of the season so as not to incite a repeat of the shame of the Tim support last Sunday. The proposal is to play the cup final, if it involves Sellick three weeks before the semi finals so that when the Tims lose they won't feel quite so hard done by.
Logistics are a bit tricky but Tim logic and Radio Clyde pressure suggest this is the only way. I mean, losing the league flag six weeks before the end of the season is bad enough but to be humped in a cup final on the very last day would make them inconsoleable.
Alan Stubbs was quoted in his latest article published in the Daily Twot (Daily Sport surely - editor) that Sellick can still overhaul Rangers for the league flag. "Given that we get 4 points for a win and we've still to meet them in the cup final we could end up with 16 points by 29th May. Rangers are only ten points in front and that seems an easy target to hit. Easier than Hugh Dallas's napper anyway."
Party preparations are being considered on Tuesday when the SFA announce their punishment for the errants from Erin. It seems that a ban from Europe would be unneccessary as they'll probably not qualify anyway . And if they do it would be more sensible to allow them to play their first round pre-qualification game behind closed doors and put Hugh Dallas in charge. The emotions of knowing your team are getting whipped by a bunch of part timers from Luxemburg and you can't even get near the ref would be a sight to behold for all Rangers fans. In fact they should only sell tickets (cut price of course) to Rangers supporters as a big thank you for their impeccable behaviour last Sunday evening.
Dariusz Adamczuk has at last signed his X for Sellick. This is a shrewd move by the Tims and the player concerned as it shows exactly the standard we should expect from them next season. At least no one will be under the illusion that they will be competing for any world class players in the summer. You can imagine the discussions Dr Joe had with his advisors. Club captain Tom 'Tit' Boyd would have won the day by suggesting they could sign anyone they liked as long as he was more shite than he is. It's already been said on this list that Admuczuk would have weighed up the options before choosing a club. He looked at the standard of crap at Parkdead and said to himself. "Nay bother, I'll get a game there every week".
Pars Manager Dick Whothefuck? Said that after his team lost to the Jambos he expects nothing less than a win against the Tims tomorrow. How he expects them to do that with Owen Coyle in the team is beyond me. Maybe he's expecting Coyle will score and incite the Tims into more coin throwing so he can supplement his wages.
Well, I'm off to invent some more excuses for the Tims behaviour. Still you have to feel sorry for them. Must be difficult for a bunch of degenerate morons to have to learn that there are rules to be followed. Their ancestry would have just eaten their foes in the case of an argument.
Finally a little Chick joke for you.
What's the similarity between George Michael and a Wellington gumboot?
They both have a tendancy to get sucked off in bogs.
Toodlepip.
Eddy
The SFA are in discussions with Sellick with a view to moving the dates of the Scottish Cup final in future away from the end of the season so as not to incite a repeat of the shame of the Tim support last Sunday. The proposal is to play the cup final, if it involves Sellick three weeks before the semi finals so that when the Tims lose they won't feel quite so hard done by.
Logistics are a bit tricky but Tim logic and Radio Clyde pressure suggest this is the only way. I mean, losing the league flag six weeks before the end of the season is bad enough but to be humped in a cup final on the very last day would make them inconsoleable.
Alan Stubbs was quoted in his latest article published in the Daily Twot (Daily Sport surely - editor) that Sellick can still overhaul Rangers for the league flag. "Given that we get 4 points for a win and we've still to meet them in the cup final we could end up with 16 points by 29th May. Rangers are only ten points in front and that seems an easy target to hit. Easier than Hugh Dallas's napper anyway."
Party preparations are being considered on Tuesday when the SFA announce their punishment for the errants from Erin. It seems that a ban from Europe would be unneccessary as they'll probably not qualify anyway . And if they do it would be more sensible to allow them to play their first round pre-qualification game behind closed doors and put Hugh Dallas in charge. The emotions of knowing your team are getting whipped by a bunch of part timers from Luxemburg and you can't even get near the ref would be a sight to behold for all Rangers fans. In fact they should only sell tickets (cut price of course) to Rangers supporters as a big thank you for their impeccable behaviour last Sunday evening.
Dariusz Adamczuk has at last signed his X for Sellick. This is a shrewd move by the Tims and the player concerned as it shows exactly the standard we should expect from them next season. At least no one will be under the illusion that they will be competing for any world class players in the summer. You can imagine the discussions Dr Joe had with his advisors. Club captain Tom 'Tit' Boyd would have won the day by suggesting they could sign anyone they liked as long as he was more shite than he is. It's already been said on this list that Admuczuk would have weighed up the options before choosing a club. He looked at the standard of crap at Parkdead and said to himself. "Nay bother, I'll get a game there every week".
Pars Manager Dick Whothefuck? Said that after his team lost to the Jambos he expects nothing less than a win against the Tims tomorrow. How he expects them to do that with Owen Coyle in the team is beyond me. Maybe he's expecting Coyle will score and incite the Tims into more coin throwing so he can supplement his wages.
Well, I'm off to invent some more excuses for the Tims behaviour. Still you have to feel sorry for them. Must be difficult for a bunch of degenerate morons to have to learn that there are rules to be followed. Their ancestry would have just eaten their foes in the case of an argument.
Finally a little Chick joke for you.
What's the similarity between George Michael and a Wellington gumboot?
They both have a tendancy to get sucked off in bogs.
Toodlepip.
Eddy
CHICKS LAST STOOL
Hi Folks,
So, Rangers did the trouble, err treble. Well, that's fine by me cus Sellick won just about everything else, except the Glasgow Youth Cup cus err, Rangers won that too.
Anyway, looking back on the season and those infamous old firm games I was pleased to see the Rangers fans did not throw any coins this time at the Cup Final. The poor old Tims got the blame last time and we all know it was the Rangers fans that were chucking them. I have video evidence, well, actually that bit was taped over by Donald Findlay's sing sone afterwards, but you could clearly see that in the Parkdead game it was the Gers fans throwing the coins at Sellick fans. The coins were bouncing off the heads of the Tims and landing on the pitch. Hey presto, it looked like the coins were originally from the Sellick end.
To back this up. When has a Tim ever had enough dosh to throw onto the pitch? Bloody hell, DSS are getting more strict than ever these days.
Alan Stubbs was rightly let off for making gestures at the Rangers fans. He held up one finger to tell them it was his first full game in ages. Or was that two fingers to suggest "You're right guys, that's twice you've humped us in a month".
Bummy's Torn. (Tommy Burns - copywright. E McCarrol, anagrams ltd.) should keep out of it when talking of the sectrarian hatred between the two clubs. Firstly because he has the sort of attitude and deep beliefs that makes you want to join the opposite of everything he does and secondly he manages Reading. A team whose nickname is the Royals and he's done more damage to their future than the IRA ever did to Lord Mountbatten. It seems to him it's justice for Rangers to be rid of any allegience to any patriotic order, just so that the Tims can continue their dark practices completely unapposed.
Fancy that too, A team wins the treble and they are in turmoil. Financial disaster around the corner. A manager that is contracted to stay for the next three years while the Tim's coach will be happy if he lives until the start of next season. Randolph Hill Nursing Home have had his room ready for months now. Still Dr Joe has brought in new sponsorship for Sellick next year. With that sleepy looking git as coach. the makers of Tranquilisers want to come in big time. He looks like he could sleep in a chinese embassy during a NATO strike.
The Sheep are getting all excited too cus they think they're getting something special in employing someone who's surname happens to be Laudrup. Well, I'd like to shag Sally Magnusson but I sure as hell would'nt be so keen on Magnus Magnusson turning up in his fishnets and suspenders.
Notice how the ex scum (Funny how the truth is they never become EX scum?) are noted by their absence when the Gers do the business. Where's Peter the Provo now, or Michael (Tims 3-1 and the Gers goal is a penalty) Kelly. Like the cockroaches they are. Come the light of day they're all back inside their dustbins.
Will the Rangers WEB page (Controlled by the Daily Rectum) be awash with pro Sellick pish and how bad the Loyalist attitude is at Ibrox? or will it eventually draft some out of date and totally superficial pish as usual. After three, let's hold our breath shall we? How can this be allowed????
Man U do the treble in their own way in England and the news there is all about 'greatest team in the world, best ever. George Best not as good as Phil Neville' (Ryan Giggs shurely? - Editor) etc. Rangers do the domestic treble and what do we get? "Yawn, how boring, Gers spent 30 million, Sellick had an off day, Dr Venglos is just a stand by for Dalglish, etc ad nauseum.
On the same theme. the 3-0 win was a shocking game cus of all the coin throwing and sky diving. Cut out the trouble and the Gers play the scum off the park and suddenly it's yawn time. The truth is the papers hate it when Rangers win without incident cus they've then got to invent stuff to bleat about.
Watching some of the past old firm matches I watched the first one Dallas did. It was the 3-3 game and stunningly it was a game where David Robertson scored an absolutely perfect goal but Dallas chose to call it offside. I bet there's not a Gers fan in the world that 1) feels like panning Dallas's window in. 2) Still wrankles about it or 3) Remembers it at all, not least with any with venom. Goram made the save of the century too, against Van Donkey's volley.(Funny how it's not mentioned anymore). Bet a Tim save would be. Dallas came out of the game being booed by the Gers. Funny how he's suddenly turned the other way!! Must be he's done this after witnessing just what a shower of moany faced, useless twats they are in their tired snot green hoops.
Heard their new strip will be a radical change for next season BTW. They're going for err, green hoops.
Well, I'm off to brown nose Craig Brown-nose for the summer cus I need petrol money for my moped.
See you all next season folks.
Toodledoopip
Eddy
So, Rangers did the trouble, err treble. Well, that's fine by me cus Sellick won just about everything else, except the Glasgow Youth Cup cus err, Rangers won that too.
Anyway, looking back on the season and those infamous old firm games I was pleased to see the Rangers fans did not throw any coins this time at the Cup Final. The poor old Tims got the blame last time and we all know it was the Rangers fans that were chucking them. I have video evidence, well, actually that bit was taped over by Donald Findlay's sing sone afterwards, but you could clearly see that in the Parkdead game it was the Gers fans throwing the coins at Sellick fans. The coins were bouncing off the heads of the Tims and landing on the pitch. Hey presto, it looked like the coins were originally from the Sellick end.
To back this up. When has a Tim ever had enough dosh to throw onto the pitch? Bloody hell, DSS are getting more strict than ever these days.
Alan Stubbs was rightly let off for making gestures at the Rangers fans. He held up one finger to tell them it was his first full game in ages. Or was that two fingers to suggest "You're right guys, that's twice you've humped us in a month".
Bummy's Torn. (Tommy Burns - copywright. E McCarrol, anagrams ltd.) should keep out of it when talking of the sectrarian hatred between the two clubs. Firstly because he has the sort of attitude and deep beliefs that makes you want to join the opposite of everything he does and secondly he manages Reading. A team whose nickname is the Royals and he's done more damage to their future than the IRA ever did to Lord Mountbatten. It seems to him it's justice for Rangers to be rid of any allegience to any patriotic order, just so that the Tims can continue their dark practices completely unapposed.
Fancy that too, A team wins the treble and they are in turmoil. Financial disaster around the corner. A manager that is contracted to stay for the next three years while the Tim's coach will be happy if he lives until the start of next season. Randolph Hill Nursing Home have had his room ready for months now. Still Dr Joe has brought in new sponsorship for Sellick next year. With that sleepy looking git as coach. the makers of Tranquilisers want to come in big time. He looks like he could sleep in a chinese embassy during a NATO strike.
The Sheep are getting all excited too cus they think they're getting something special in employing someone who's surname happens to be Laudrup. Well, I'd like to shag Sally Magnusson but I sure as hell would'nt be so keen on Magnus Magnusson turning up in his fishnets and suspenders.
Notice how the ex scum (Funny how the truth is they never become EX scum?) are noted by their absence when the Gers do the business. Where's Peter the Provo now, or Michael (Tims 3-1 and the Gers goal is a penalty) Kelly. Like the cockroaches they are. Come the light of day they're all back inside their dustbins.
Will the Rangers WEB page (Controlled by the Daily Rectum) be awash with pro Sellick pish and how bad the Loyalist attitude is at Ibrox? or will it eventually draft some out of date and totally superficial pish as usual. After three, let's hold our breath shall we? How can this be allowed????
Man U do the treble in their own way in England and the news there is all about 'greatest team in the world, best ever. George Best not as good as Phil Neville' (Ryan Giggs shurely? - Editor) etc. Rangers do the domestic treble and what do we get? "Yawn, how boring, Gers spent 30 million, Sellick had an off day, Dr Venglos is just a stand by for Dalglish, etc ad nauseum.
On the same theme. the 3-0 win was a shocking game cus of all the coin throwing and sky diving. Cut out the trouble and the Gers play the scum off the park and suddenly it's yawn time. The truth is the papers hate it when Rangers win without incident cus they've then got to invent stuff to bleat about.
Watching some of the past old firm matches I watched the first one Dallas did. It was the 3-3 game and stunningly it was a game where David Robertson scored an absolutely perfect goal but Dallas chose to call it offside. I bet there's not a Gers fan in the world that 1) feels like panning Dallas's window in. 2) Still wrankles about it or 3) Remembers it at all, not least with any with venom. Goram made the save of the century too, against Van Donkey's volley.(Funny how it's not mentioned anymore). Bet a Tim save would be. Dallas came out of the game being booed by the Gers. Funny how he's suddenly turned the other way!! Must be he's done this after witnessing just what a shower of moany faced, useless twats they are in their tired snot green hoops.
Heard their new strip will be a radical change for next season BTW. They're going for err, green hoops.
Well, I'm off to brown nose Craig Brown-nose for the summer cus I need petrol money for my moped.
See you all next season folks.
Toodledoopip
Eddy
OLD FIRM ANCRONYMS
Hello Folks, Chick here and I've been very busy hanging round the bike
sheds behind the Parkdead offices gleaning whatever news I can find in the
dustbins.
The build up to the Scottish Cup final is gathering pace now and Sellick have not been idol (surely idle- Editor) in their preparations. Dr Joe Venglos has been away on business and has come back with a series of plans and measures with which to bring about the downfall of the mighty Rangers.
It seems that the ancient Dr Joe has been on an advanced course with the 'National Union of Managers and Professional Trainers In European Soccer' (N.U.M.P.T.I.E.S.) This organisation specialises in scientific methods of coaching and Dr Joe has now introduced a number of new ideas to the Sellick training programme. He has returned with a newly awarded Qualification in advanced training techniques. This new 'Standard. Practice. In. Training.' award or S.P.I.T. has only previoulsy been awarded to Austra/Croat players.
First of all he has introduced a certificate of excellence that the players will have to try for before becoming eligible for selection on Saturday. He calls it the 'Player Has Understood Coaching Knowledge With Intensive Training' course (P.H.U.C.K.W.I.T.) "Only the players who pass this course and qualify as a PHUCKWIT will get into my team on Saturday" says the unwitting Dr Joe. "When they have a certificate to offically say they are a PHUCKWIT I shall pick them.".
It's not just individual effort that's required to get the player's ready but a team effort is also in hand. Following along the lines of Chelsea's squad rotation system Dr Joe has introduced his own methods and again he will award successful players to this system with a certificate. He calls it the 'Alternative Rotation System Every Week Invokes Professional Excellence' or A.R.S.E.W.I.P.E. He cites the success of the Chelsea system as an example and only when his players achieve excellence of squad play will they be awarded the official Celt*c A.R.S.E.W.I.P.E. certificate. "I am thinking it is the only way forward as I believe, unlike popular opinion amongst our support, we do not have enough P.H.U.C.K.W.I.T.s or A.R.S.E.W.I.P.E.s in our team.
Stefan Mahe and Vidar Riseth have been sent away on intensive remedial training to curb their brainless behaviour in old firm derbies and are awaiting the results to see if they passed the Special. Education. for Normalising. Tempers. in Old. Firm. Fixtures. or S.E.N.T.O.F.F. They had their origninal qualification revoked after the last Old Firm match and had to re-sit the test last week. "I am hopeful they will pass". Said Dr Joe. "They ought to qualify, they have worked hard and I would be pleased to see them both S.E.N.T.O.F.F." again.
The fans don't get off lightly either and after their recent disgraceful behaviour the club will be handing out leaflets at the Sellick turnstyles on Saturday pinpointing a series of measures to encourage good crowd behaviour.
The leaflet entitled Supporting Celt*c Unity Measures (S.C.U.M.) details a number of areas where the Hoopies should smarten up their behaviour. The first item is regarding the throwing of coins and in an easy to remember acronym they hope those attending will adhere to their requests. They have asked them as follows
Not to A.C.T. That is… Attempt Coin Throwing….. but to
R.E.I.N.A.C.T. That is…. Rally Everyone Into Needlessly Attempting Coin Throwing.. Err sorry, it should read… Rally. Everyone. Into. Not. Attemping. Coin. Throwing.
So the key word of the leaflet is to REINACT the behaviour of the previous old firm game. This should cut out any ambiguity and mixed messages and shows exactly where the club stands on this matter.
The final part of the leaflet mentions a series of lectures at local halls and F.E. colleges up and down the country where Celt*c supporters are invited to attend to learn ways of curbing their neanderhtal behaviour. The short courses are called - Applied Lectures in Working Against Sectarian Singing Creating Unwanted Malevolence or A.L.W.A.Y.S. S.C.U.M.. A certificate will be awarded to all Celt*c supporters attending these lectures. They will be requested to show these certificates at the turnstyles in future matches to prove that they are ALWAYS SCUM. No problems there then. They'll pass everytime.
More news as the week presses on folks.
Toodlepip
Eddy
So there you go folks just a wee sampling of Eddys work.
I hope you enjoyed it. Cheers All Jim.
Thanks again Eddy. Magic stuff mate.
Return to home page....
The build up to the Scottish Cup final is gathering pace now and Sellick have not been idol (surely idle- Editor) in their preparations. Dr Joe Venglos has been away on business and has come back with a series of plans and measures with which to bring about the downfall of the mighty Rangers.
It seems that the ancient Dr Joe has been on an advanced course with the 'National Union of Managers and Professional Trainers In European Soccer' (N.U.M.P.T.I.E.S.) This organisation specialises in scientific methods of coaching and Dr Joe has now introduced a number of new ideas to the Sellick training programme. He has returned with a newly awarded Qualification in advanced training techniques. This new 'Standard. Practice. In. Training.' award or S.P.I.T. has only previoulsy been awarded to Austra/Croat players.
First of all he has introduced a certificate of excellence that the players will have to try for before becoming eligible for selection on Saturday. He calls it the 'Player Has Understood Coaching Knowledge With Intensive Training' course (P.H.U.C.K.W.I.T.) "Only the players who pass this course and qualify as a PHUCKWIT will get into my team on Saturday" says the unwitting Dr Joe. "When they have a certificate to offically say they are a PHUCKWIT I shall pick them.".
It's not just individual effort that's required to get the player's ready but a team effort is also in hand. Following along the lines of Chelsea's squad rotation system Dr Joe has introduced his own methods and again he will award successful players to this system with a certificate. He calls it the 'Alternative Rotation System Every Week Invokes Professional Excellence' or A.R.S.E.W.I.P.E. He cites the success of the Chelsea system as an example and only when his players achieve excellence of squad play will they be awarded the official Celt*c A.R.S.E.W.I.P.E. certificate. "I am thinking it is the only way forward as I believe, unlike popular opinion amongst our support, we do not have enough P.H.U.C.K.W.I.T.s or A.R.S.E.W.I.P.E.s in our team.
Stefan Mahe and Vidar Riseth have been sent away on intensive remedial training to curb their brainless behaviour in old firm derbies and are awaiting the results to see if they passed the Special. Education. for Normalising. Tempers. in Old. Firm. Fixtures. or S.E.N.T.O.F.F. They had their origninal qualification revoked after the last Old Firm match and had to re-sit the test last week. "I am hopeful they will pass". Said Dr Joe. "They ought to qualify, they have worked hard and I would be pleased to see them both S.E.N.T.O.F.F." again.
The fans don't get off lightly either and after their recent disgraceful behaviour the club will be handing out leaflets at the Sellick turnstyles on Saturday pinpointing a series of measures to encourage good crowd behaviour.
The leaflet entitled Supporting Celt*c Unity Measures (S.C.U.M.) details a number of areas where the Hoopies should smarten up their behaviour. The first item is regarding the throwing of coins and in an easy to remember acronym they hope those attending will adhere to their requests. They have asked them as follows
Not to A.C.T. That is… Attempt Coin Throwing….. but to
R.E.I.N.A.C.T. That is…. Rally Everyone Into Needlessly Attempting Coin Throwing.. Err sorry, it should read… Rally. Everyone. Into. Not. Attemping. Coin. Throwing.
So the key word of the leaflet is to REINACT the behaviour of the previous old firm game. This should cut out any ambiguity and mixed messages and shows exactly where the club stands on this matter.
The final part of the leaflet mentions a series of lectures at local halls and F.E. colleges up and down the country where Celt*c supporters are invited to attend to learn ways of curbing their neanderhtal behaviour. The short courses are called - Applied Lectures in Working Against Sectarian Singing Creating Unwanted Malevolence or A.L.W.A.Y.S. S.C.U.M.. A certificate will be awarded to all Celt*c supporters attending these lectures. They will be requested to show these certificates at the turnstyles in future matches to prove that they are ALWAYS SCUM. No problems there then. They'll pass everytime.
More news as the week presses on folks.
Toodlepip
Eddy
I hope you enjoyed it. Cheers All Jim.
Thanks again Eddy. Magic stuff mate.
Return to home page....